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Thursday, 03 December 2009

in the mean while

Well, this has been one of the boldest and craziest things I have been doing for a while - still on temp job after three months. Still waiting for that one offer to come through. They said that they will contact me once I got through the first hurdle - end of November I was informed. Come December - still no phone call. Well, I'll wait again until next year. If not, I'll go into overdrive mode and begin my usual work hunting by sending out resumes and filling forms. They will always be work for a nurse. I've been through this many times, I am not even one inch worried. It's all about doing what and where.

So far, I am doing my part time in the ER. The place has the tendency to be very busy and the staffing has the tendency to be really erratic. Now, I am a firm believer that it is actually the nurses who runs the place. Nurse gets an order running, call for the labs, fetch stat medications from the pharmacy, arrange for rooms and admissions, answer phone enquiries, orders for supplies and stuff, fetch people from places (or go to places) - while at the same time still doing the old nursing duties. Seeing all of these nonsense once again have sparked that anger and resentment of mine with the current working system. It has also reaffirms my decision of going into the path of academia. I am no willing to deal with this kind of shit anymore. And this time, I know well and better.

As for the time being - I will continue on with the ER part timer. Of all the bad things - it has enabled me to regain back some things I used to do there. What I lost though, were some sense of seniority and respect as a ex-staff there by some individual. There were even times when I felt like I was viewed as being incompetent or inexperienced - but by a very little few. Yet surprisingly - I have better appreciation by most specialists and new colleagues, so yeah - this could be an individual thing. Disagreement over a few matters, I have spoken what's on my mind on a few occasions, guess some people can't take a backfire. Let it be. I am here to fill a void and I have been working for a while in many places - hell no, I am not inexperienced.

Still enjoying my three days off. I am not gonna answer for any requests for duty.

Tuesday, 01 December 2009

I have been starting a lot of IVs these days that I am no longer amused or fearful of such order.

Roughly in a day, I'll be doing about 10-20 starts, excluding doing venepuncture (blood taking) or when requested to set a line by the Radiology department staff. Once in a blue moon, I'll be asked to go upstairs, into the ward to assist with such procedure (especially when they said that they failed after repeated attempts - but for me in the ER, we must get the sample or get the line no matter what).

With the exceptions of paediatric patients under the care or specialist, or any paediatric patients below the age of six years old - I have no reservation in trying.

These days, I have a success rate of about 90%. For overall success rate in establishing a line with repeated attempts - the number goes to about 93%. Very, very rarely for me these days to request the assistance of a colleague when I can't get the vein. And as for asking the help of the doctor? So far none at all in the A+E. Except that one time when we had a patient whose relatives consisted of almost all being doctors. Really made a lot of fuss and being fussy. Me and my colleague would have poked him anyway if not for the commotion. But they prefer doctors or specialist anyway. Come to think of it - who does a lot more of the poking anyway?

Male or female, children or adults, fair or dark skin - is not an issue as long as the vein can be seen and be felt. I used to think that these variables create different problems that may arise. Thin, fragile veins... fatty arms... deep vessels..... those are the culprits.

And of course confidence of the nurse.

I have no reservation in poking a patient three times now. Had even poked somebody 5 times until I am successful in getting his blood sample. Plus, most of the time I am doing the assessment on my own. Nobody to consult or advise. I am angry of this system sometimes. Always shortage of staffing everywhere I work. Somebody ought to supervise and educate.

But you will always end up learning from mistakes and by working alone.

Damn this system. This is not the proper way to learn.

And to sum up this entry - I end up doing a lot of pricks because nobody else is left to do it. Failure is nonexistent until I tried. Success is a must (isn't that ironic?). Courage and confidence - plus being 'selamba' and 'buat donno' must be there.

Tough job.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

letting go slowly

I've been doing this part-timer job for quite sometime now.

Yeah, I was just back from Saudi - a working experience which I regard as very tough responsibility wise, not including all the other hardships that I faced there. So, I was really thinking of having a well deserved vacation, away from work and nursing altogether. I had even thought of maybe getting serious about having a permanent job come 2010. Was thinking of using the months leading to the coming year as a period where I am doing all thinking about my career move. Or, just waiting for the next best thing.

I am glad to say that I stay true to all of the above. Except, taking a break from nursing.

Yeah, I can't stand still. I love my improved freedom. Don't make much but I still bring some money in at month's end. And rather surprisingly - I still managed to remain vigilant about how I am spending my money. Three months back from Saudi - that's an impressive feat considering I used to have tons of cash coming in.

Now, how does it feels coming back to ER?

Sad to say, it didn't change my disappointment with clinical working life. Too much sacrifice of time and effort for the job - talking about the insane working hours and the increased workload. Short staffing never ceased to amaze me. And so does patient's expectation. I totally cannot deal with rude people anymore. Yes, there are so many of these people back in Saudi. But having them here in Malaysia is kinda unacceptable, given the fact that we have our eastern values. Or did we?

I am also tired of caring for a human life. Big, big responsibility with no room for error. Something I hope I can do well, but can't given the weight of the above mentioned limitations. Even, with the fact that my experience and my knowledge had improved tremendously - many times I felt that I should have done better.

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With these thoughts in mind, I can safely say that if my application for the teaching post came through - I won't be as hesitant as before. This will be one of the few measures in life where I am thinking of myself as the sole determination. This is where my own self is the priority above others.

I guess maybe I am done doing so much for others.

Monday, 16 November 2009

the NAUI Scuba Instructor

Again, I tried coming to the damn scuba shop to rent a tank.

And unbelievably, they still leave the goodness damn tanks somewhere. For a week hello? I have been looking forward to spend quality time on my off day to improve my buoyancy (and this was last week). I know it's off season - but that doesn't mean that nobody is interested to rent some tanks for pool sessions or river diving. Really. Now, I am really considering to get my own set of tanks (a steel and an aluminum).

So guess what? I went to the pool anyway. With my fins and boots along. I am only doing this in the afternoon when there is little to no people around because I feel stupid moving around with scuba fins (more so when I am in the hurdle lanes). Scuba fins are big and heavy and they don't provide faster surface acceleration than say... full foot fins or snorkeling fins. Underwater, they are excellent (I especially love mine - been in may places and situations and it helped me a lot). Plus, I am not the kind of person who loves to go from one end to the other in the quickest time. I enjoy being in the water - floating around and moving sideways. So, you can guess how amazed I am with the amount of people who regard swimming as moving back and forth from one point to the other. I really hate doing that.

So somehow today, the Olympic sized pool was off limits for a while as one of the workers was cleaning it. I approached the site anyway since there is no other place other than there where I can comfortably do my finning (it's the deepest pool - more comfortable moving around there. Plus, it is not as awkward when you are down there diving next to the pool floor then when you are in the hurdle's lane). However, they worker instructed me to go to the other side as he saw me. Disappointed and a bit annoyed, I spent quite a number of laps and dives in the shallow lanes. Oh my, how I hate that place. So... I went up after a few minutes and waited until the worker was almost finished with the cleaning. Waited and waited until I can't wait no more. I came here to have a good time and I am not gonna let some formalities ruin my day. So I went there and asked from they guy is he's done.

Something magical happened anyway.

As I was donning the boots and putting on the fins, he asked me if I am practising my diving skills. And I was like "HUH?! Is it because of my boots and my fins?"

Come on, how often do you see somebody swimming around with large yellow fins and having to put on a rubber enclosure on their leg? I do see people swim with fins here - but all of them wore full foot small to medium sized fins. None like mine (except scuba divers that came here for practising). That was my initial guess anyway.

Something like this is what mine is.

Well, turned out that he is a scuba instructor for NAUI (I am PADI certified, but I am opening my options as to where and how I am going to expand my education level. I love diversity). Funny kan how the world spins? There he was wearing a construction worker style attire - fooling me of maybe he is just an ordinary man. Lesson learnt - never underestimate anybody.

National Association of Underwater Instructors

We talked a lot. As for me, I was excited to meet another diver. A teacher in fact who might as well be guiding me into advanced skills in the future.

- I asked him if there will be any dive outing in the near future. Unfortunately, he said there's none until at least March to April NEXT YEAR!!! Rough seas and unpredictable current dominates the waters of Sarawak at the moment. Visibility can be as low as being NONE (take that Majed - and you asked me why I didn't go out diving as much. THIS IS NOT THE RED SEA!!!). Too dangerous to go out. Oh well, I am planning my dive vacations around Malaysia then in these few months.

- He encouraged me to go further in my qualifications and education. Up to Dive Master or Rescue Diver he said. Reason being - I am still young and I can use that as a side income when I can teach people in the future. Honestly... I am stopping my education up to the level of being an Advanced diver for the moment so that I can gather up more dive experiences. I know what I want in diving and what I enjoy doing underwater. So I am focussing on that. I am not interested in deep diving, wrecks, enriched air diving, caves or any enclosed compartment diving. Or spear fishing. He asked me whether I have been in a hunt before - catching lobster by hand. I said no. He replied then that I should know how to do this because if one day I became an instructor - I need to teach this skill to my student. Again honestly? I don't like to catch or hunt or touch anything underwater except rocks and sands. If I want to eat anything I buy it from the market. Plus, I DON"T LIKE FOLLOWING PEOPLE ON A HUNTING DIVE! Because that's what you'll do - following people around.

- I actually feel a bit ashamed to admit that I am doing my PADI Advanced Scuba Diver course because by now I am well aware that the course is nothing more than an exposure or an introduction to many areas of diving. Yes, I am a bit disappointed with PADI in this regard since I have this suspicion that they have been able to mix commercial business model with leisure/sports. Well, lesson learnt - as if those people who are teaching scuba diving have none intention in making a profit at all. Hu, hu... how can something so enjoyable yet so dangerous can be made into a shameless money making marketing? SHAME YOU GUYS!!!

So anyway, he talked about teaching NAUI Advanced Scuba Diver course which sounds much tougher more information loaded than PADI's. He talked about bringing students into a local river, with no visibility and doing the practise there. Things like underwater navigation and limited-visibility underwater communication, plus some rescue diving skills. I was impressed when I heard that, though I have some reservations. I dived in waters with very poor visibility before and given the chance, I hope not to repeat the experience again. It's not a matter of bravado or having the necessary skills in a tough situation. For me, it's more of a why are you being there in the first place anyway? Safety issues come to mind and so does being unable to enjoy thoroughly what's down there.

He's doing the NAUI Advanced for RM400. Damn cheap for me, so I might snap it up just to experience variety.

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Out of water for months, not by choice sucks. But so is risking your life. I'll be a landlubber at least when I am here.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

the road that lies ahead

Ever since Facebook became an activity of mine, Xanga has undeniably taken a back seat on my ride. Can't help it. It's easier to type a few words and gather tons of comments and responses than to make a lengthy entry that taken 2-3 views, if you are lucky. There used to be a lot of subscribers and people whom I subscribed to which were fun to read and interact with. They have since ceased to exist in xanga-dom.

But, I shall not leave this ship. Even it is sinking. Worst that I can do is strap on my scuba gear - buayancy compensator on, regulator on my mouth, fins on, tanks open - and float or swim my way through the waters when that time comes. In the mean while, I am enjoying this cruise voyage.

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Of my present life...

I am still doing part time as an ER nurse in my old hospital. 12 hours shift seems to be very long anywhere I am/was working, more so when things got so busy. I can attest that there were times when I was only to work one day after a 3 days hiatus and yes, I dreaded coming to work. I gave a long and deep thought whether staying in clinical field is something that I can see doing for a long time. Would love to gain more experience but doing so here, in Kuching is not as beneficial as it can be. In the end, I will just be wasting my years, having a miniscule salary upheaval per year. Of course I said money is not everything - but, I am not interested in selling my soul to the devil either.

Oh yeah, I just went through my 'mock teaching' interview in UiTM. Somebody called me up a day before the event, told me that I need to prepare a presentation. And I was just done with my night duty. Less than a day to get something done. I just had my sleep and then dig out my old presentation from many years back - altered a few things. Spent the whole night reading on my topic even. By far, the most troublesome interview I had.

On the day itself, I was interviewed by someone from the English department, the Dean and somebody from the nursing faculty. Overall I think I did OK. But no high hopes for me as I am not even sure if this is the path that I am going into. Teaching? In a university environment? Am I qualified enough for the job? Am I experienced enough? Most importantly, will I love it?

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Christmas is coming soon. I am happy to be here to celebrate it.